My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
