It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize