just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
