Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
