Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
