he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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