Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
