I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
