So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
