mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
