what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
