you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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