Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
