I'm so fucking centered right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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