he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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