That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
