Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
