Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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