Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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