If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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