i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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