why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
