apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
