You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
