Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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