theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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