sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
