Sponge bath it is.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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