I think my vagina is haunted
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
