who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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