pop tarts are not kleenex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i now understand why vodka
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
