Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
