Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
