All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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