cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
