If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize