bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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