So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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