she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sobbing to NWA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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