I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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