Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
