He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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