he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just want nice things and good sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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