sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize