everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
