Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
