I wish I only lived at night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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