Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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