is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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