Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
