Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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