The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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