The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
