Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
