i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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