i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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