Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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