Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
