Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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