Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
