i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
