you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
