he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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