saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
