my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
