I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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