It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
