Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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