he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
