you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
