Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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