Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
