I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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