i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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