I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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