I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
